Religion and Death: Tackling the Tough Issues with a Kid
A while ago that Parenthood show had an episode that tackled a parents trying to explain death to their daughter. Honestly, I've never really been sure why this is a hard thing for a lot of parents.
Early last year one of our horses gave birth in the middle of the winter. Despite our best efforts the baby didn't survive. We took Emmy to see the baby when it was born, so we also took her to say goodbye when it died. We didn't jump around and find a silly way to explain it to her, we just told her it had died. Dying meant that you weren't alive anymore. She didn't have trouble understanding. She told us she was sad that it had died and she said goodbye to it.
Later I bought her some pet goldfish because she'd hurt herself and...well, I wanted to. They didn't last very long, most likely due to the fact that they were grocery store goldfish. I didn't hide them from her or run to the store to buy new ones that looked just like the dead ones. I told her they had died, we walked down the hallway together to put them in the toilet, and she waved goodbye to them as I flushed it. I bought her some new ones and they also died after a few weeks. We went through the same routine and I told her we'd wait awhile and buy her some better pets in a few years.
In that episode of Parenthood, the parents of the little girl weren't religious and didn't want to use the concept of heaven, which they didn't even really believe in themselves, to comfort their daughter. After a few minutes of consoling her, the mother cracked and told her about heaven. Maybe some kids take the idea of death harder than others, but this wasn't an issue at all for us.
I'm agnostic. I don't adhere to any religion whatsoever. If there is a higher power, than I'd prefer he judge me based on how I've lived my life and not whatever hoops I jumped through in a church. Zoe is probably agnostic as well, I'm not entirely sure. The point is, I'm not hiding the idea of heaven of a god from Emmy, I'm just purposely avoiding it until she is old enough to make her own decisions. Telling a two year old about God and heaven pretty much assures that is what they will believe. They don't question things at that age, you're just heaping a belief onto them. How do you think the Westboro Baptist Church gains new members? They have kids and raise them with their stupid beliefs.
When Emmy is older I'll tell her what I believe and what other people believe. It's up to her to make that choice. My sister is very religious, despite my father being staunchly atheist and my mother being numb to the whole issue on account of a crazily-over-the-top Baptist Church she was forced to attend at a young age. That's her decision and I'm fine with it.
I'd be just as upset with my dad if he started pushing Emmy towards atheism as I would my mother-in-law if she pushed her to be religious. I don't think anyone can even start making that decision until at least their late teens.
The Internet Thinks it is Better than You
Recent hubbub surrounding IGN's Greg Miller and his poorly written review of Dead Space 2 has got me thinking. Admittedly I laughed and thought "I can write so much better than this" when I first read his review. That's something I normally avoid doing, because it bothers me how quickly aspiring writers are bashed and put off from trying to improve themselves because of the inclusive world of writers.
Now sure, there is a bigger issue with the fact that IGN apparently has no copy editors to run their articles past, but that seems to be the way of things nowadays. I couldn't do it justice if I tried to tackle that monumental issue. I'm more concerned with the way the Internet reacted to it; by bashing his intelligence and making jokes.
Maybe Greg Miller is a bad example because he's been writing at IGN for four years now, but I've always been of the mind that everyone can always improve their writing if they have some help and put in the work. Unfortunately most writers don't seem to have this belief. A lot of talented wordsmiths see a poorly written article and choose to make jokes, and it always bothers me a little.
I'm not proposing they reach out to the author and tell them what they could do to improve, I just wish more people would remember where they came from. I know I have a lot of improving to do with my writing, but I've come lightyears in the last three years that I've been doing it regularly on the Internet. Every small step I've made was because of a desire to grow and the help of someone better. I've always crammed writing into the little free time I have, so scouring for answers myself or taking classes just wasn't feasible. It was only when I read a comment from one of the editors at Bitmob, or someone told me on Twitter, that I realized mistakes I had been making and corrected them accordingly.
Of course, the mocking of Greg Miller's writing is more a comment on the fact that IGN doesn't seem to have editors that can help their writers improve, so I understand it. I'm glad Miller has a thick skin and can handle the abuse. I guess this whole blog is just a long-winded way for me to say I feel bad for the guy because I've made all the same mistakes he made and I know how long it took me to stop making them.
If you want to make it as a writer but keep getting discouraged, hang in there. You can improve if you just hold on and try your best. A huge part of why I'm taking a break from my attempts to become a professional writer is because I feel like I need to slow things down a little. I got overwhelmed when I finally got hired in at Bitmob because instead of slowing improving over several years I was suddenly at a break-neck speed. I haven't so much given up as I have slowed things down. Some people take a little longer than others.
Emmy Pics and Captions
I have a lot of pictures and videos of Emmy. Like, more than 365. So I figured I'd cheat a little and just share those today.
Just after she was born. She's only a day old in this video.
I'm reminded of that one scene from A Christmas Story.
"A citizen in distress! I'm off!"
"My toupee looks like what?"
"Why of course I'll give you a hug, Mr. President! There's no need to give me an award."
TV Remote pictured with baby, for size comparison.
"You're only just now feeding me this?!"
"CAN I GET A PRICE CHECK ON A TRANQUILIZED BABY ELEPHANT?!"
"Know what I mean? *wink* Hold up, gotta sneeze."
Sunday Free Writing: Sub-Zero and Long Games
I never have anything good to write about on Sundays, and even when I do it gets lost in the deadzone that is weekends on the Internet, so I'm going to do free writing most Sundays from now on. It's nice and easy because then I have an excuse to jump between topics seemingly at random. Plus, I never edit these one a day posts anyway.
Last night it was -13 degrees Fahrenheit almost the whole time I was delivering papers. It was cold enough that my car couldn't seem to handle the cold and puttered a little bit at stops until a ways through my route when it had more time to warm up. My father-in-law keeps saying I should already be thinking of trading it in for another car, just over a year since I got it. What with all the abuse I put it through doing papers it might be a good idea, but I just can't wrap my head around getting another car before I've even paid off the loan on the one I own. I tend to hold onto my cars until the last part falls off. But then, I haven't really liked this car since the day I got it, so I wouldn't mind getting a new one so soon.
I've finally started that one resolution to make a dent in my backlog of games and popped in Dead Space. I'm enjoying it, but was a little put off when I realized that it's been taking me about an hour to get through each chapter in the game, and according to the trophies there are 12 chapters to finish. I wrote about having trouble finding time to play games the other day, so I'm kind of worried I'll get bored with the game if I can't beat it quick enough. Most people take a week or two to play through a game of that length, but with my sporadic gaming schedule it can take me more than a month sometimes. Now that Emmy is older it's a little easier, but sometimes I feel like the last 3 or 4 hours in a game is just a slog to the end that I'm not enjoying, I just want to finish it. Hopefully I can put a bow on Dead Space before that ends up happening.
Gaming with a Family
There was a time when I could play video games for several hours a day if I wanted to, no problem. Long RPGs and action games like Okami that took 40 or 50 or even 60 hours to beat were no problem because I could make sizable dents in them on a regular basis. Nowadays? Not so much.
I guess it takes all parents some time to adjust to their new schedule, and fitting in time for their hobbies is always the last thing on the list. Obviously the duties of being a father should always come first, but I'd really like to be able to carve out a small part of my day for video games so that I'm not always hopelessly left behind in the gaming community.
Most people in this situation suggest staying up after the kids go to sleep, but Emerson has always gone to bed with me at 11 or so, and Zoe comes up a little later. I wake up earliest each morning so I can check emails and maybe write a little bit before I head out to work. Being that the video games are all in our bedroom with my sleeping wife and child, I can't really play then either.
Once I'm home from work, it's always hard to sneak upstairs to play games because I'm basically abandoning Zoe to take care of Emmy by herself, which she's done all day long already. I sometimes bring Emmy upstairs with me, but all of her toys are downstairs and she usually gets tired of staying in the bedroom and starts making mischief out in the hallway, bathroom, or other bedrooms. Plus, I'm never sure if a game is going to cuss, become overly violent, or do any number of other things she really shouldn't see.
The other day I had the idea of playing with headphones on while Zoe and Emmy slept in the morning, but for some reason the headphone jack on our TV doesn't work. Someone said I could get an adapter to possibly make the headphones a possibility so I'll have to look into that. Until then I've mostly found myself gaming on my laptop because I can do it downstairs while Emmy plays. That'll have to do unless I can get the headphones working. Maybe I can get through Dead Space by pecking away at it whenever I can sneak upstairs. Ah, the sacrifices of parenting.
Things Emmy Says, Part 2
It was my mother's birthday today and we just got home, so here's some more silly things Emmy has said that I've been saving up for a little while. I need to get to bed so I can wake up and do papers.
*When entering our room for bed*
Emmy: "It's dark in here! I want the light off."
Me: "Alright."
Emmy: "Now let's watch Thomas."
Me: "Oh, I thought we were going to keep it dark. How about I tell you a story?"
Emmy: "Uh, no."
Me: "I can tell you a Thomas story."
Emmy: "OK!"
*I began repeating the entirety of a Thomas episode that I've seen far too many times. After finishing:*
Emmy: "Let's watch Thomas now!"
Me: "My story wasn't good enough?"
Emmy: "No.""
Me: "Oh, that's mean."
Emmy: "Um, your story was really good, but the show is really good too."
*After we climbed into bed and turned on an episode of Thomas I took off my glasses and snuggled up to her. She pushed me away.*
Me: "Hey, I wanted to snuggle."
Emmy: "Not now."
*She climbed further over to Zoe's side of the bed.*
Me: "Well that hurts my feelings."
Emmy: *She sighs and climbs back* "One minute." *She holds up a finger*
Me: "For what?"
Emmy: "For nuggling."
Me: "Oh, alright."
I walked out into the kitchen and found Emmy up on a chair reaching for a box of cookies. I grabbed the box and opened it to show her there was nothing inside.
Me: "They're all gone."
Emmy: "Oooh, then what can I put in my mouth?"
One night I was playing with Emmy before bed, rolling around and such. Apparently I somehow touched her neck at some point and this is what followed:
Emmy: "That hurts my throat."
Me: "Oh, sorry."
Emmy: "My throat is in my mouth."
Me: "Yeah, at the back of your mouth."
*She then started to jump on the bed as I was getting ready to get into bed.*
Me: "Em, can you lay down now? It's bed time and I don't feel very well."
Emmy: "OK. I'll make you feel better by giving you another throat."
Me: "What? You're going to give me a new throat?"
Emmy: "On top of your old throat. It will make you feel better!"
Podcasting Professional
Yesterday I officially released the first episode of my own real podcast. Yeah, I know, everyone has one of those, but it still feels kind of cool. Think of it like a personal goal of mine. A small goal. It wasn't a life goal or anything, just something I thought might be cool. You know?
Back when I started papers I had to find something to help pass the time. For awhile it was music. I'd download several albums a day, but finding stuff that I liked enough to keep listening to wasn't as common as finding something that was exhausted by the end of the day. So I moved onto audiobooks, which worked for awhile but on the weekends when I was tired they just weren't cutting it for keeping me awake.
The day I discovered podcasts was like the day Stone Cold Steve Austin discovered the Bible. I was hooked. If it wasn't for podcasts I would have quit my job out of pure insanity long long ago. So it wasn't long before I started thinking about giving back to the podcasting world. After guesting on several other podcasts the urge to create my own grew.
Now that I have my own, I'm kind of addicted. I've been thinking about several others that I could make. I should probably just settle for the one right now, but we'll see how it goes.
P.S. You can subscribe, rate, and heap praise upon my podcast via this handy iTunes link right here, or this handy link to the write-up of the first episode.
One of the Uninsured Millions
Because of new laws and such, at the start of the year someone can be on their parents insurance until they're 26, regardless of marriage or living situation. So my wife got back on her parents insurance to ride out one more year. Apparently the insurance companies claim that a retirees insurance doesn't count though, so I can't get back on my parents. Personally, I think that's just a load of shit loophole they're clinging to until someone tells them to shut up and abide by the new laws, but I guess I'm going to fall through the cracks no matter what the outcome of that is.
We put Emmy on Medicaid, something we'd always avoided doing. It's not that we don't agree with government-funded programs to help people out, we just disagree with signing up for them unless you absolutely need to. There's no sense in bleeding the system dry by going on Food Stamps and Medicaid and everything else just because you're below the income limit. If you can get by without government assistance, then by all means leave more for the people that desperately need it.
With them out of the way we are now left to decide what to do about me. Currently we're looking at plans that are really only for emergencies. Something like $60 a month, with thousand dollar deductibles and absolutely no office appointments. Stuff that is really just in case I get in a horrible car accident or my kidney explodes or something. It's definitely not the lap of medical-coverage luxury.
I'm not really complaining, just laying it all out there for posterity's sake. You know, I rooted for Obama over Hillary back in the primaries because I thought he'd fight for universal healthcare. Sure, Clinton claimed she would as well, but back when her husband was in office she brought up that battle and it didn't take very long before she completely gave it up, so I didn't think she would fight very hard this time either. But Obama couldn't get it done either. We'll get by one way or the other, but I wish this country would stop being so stupid about it and get it passed. There are a lot of people out there that are far worse off than we are.
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