Stubborn Determination or Selfish Disregard?

As the end of high school approached, I had absolutely no idea what I wanted to do with my life. As I enrolled in the nearest community college, I still had no idea what I wanted to do with my life. The one thing I was sure about was the woman I was with, and as our wedding grew closer, I stopped signing up for classes. Within a month or so of our wedding, we found out our daughter was on the way, so I never went back.

Once the whirlwind of the pregnancy was over, and then the onslaught of my first year of parenting ever, I started to think about what was quickly passing me by. I still had no idea what I was going to do, and it was becoming pretty apparent that newspaper delivery wasn't really going to cut it. It was an episode of 1Up FM, and the answer to that age-old question, "How do you get into game journalism?", that finally started me on this journey, and I haven't stopped since.

I have, however, gone back and forth a thousand times this past year. I never even questioned what a career in video game journalism would be like, I just knew that it was the first thing I knew I really wanted and every time I sat down to write, it made me happy. But after more than a year trying, I'm starting to get discouraged, and along with that comes the questioning.

What do I hope will happen? Do I think I'll land a salary gig right away? Chances are, if I'm lucky, I'll get some freelance gigs. I'm not even sure if I can support a family on struggling to get freelance gigs until I can finally get hired on staff at some outlet. Looking around this industry, most of the well-known freelancers are single, or at least kid-less.

Then there's the time. It seems to be the general consensus that I'll be spending a lot of time on the computer writing up news, tracking down interviews, getting quotes, researching leads, and pitching stories. Though, the job I have now means absolutely no days off, and I do it every single day, come home and take care of/play with Emerson, and get more writing done than a lot of others. I imagine I'd be able to handle the time requirements of a game journalism career, and maybe even be less busy than I am now, but I'm really just assuming.

So why do I keep going? I've read multiple pieces by those with similar aspirations about giving it up and concentrating on family, and it's given me pause, but they all have backup plans. I haven't thought of anything else I'd want to do with my life other than writing, so I guess there isn't much as to do but keep on trying.

You know all of that "follow your dreams" stuff they tell you about? I suppose it sounds cliche, but I guess this is my dream. Yeah, I know, it's every gamers dream at some point, but it makes me happy when I sit down and write something. I enjoy brainstorming new ideas for articles, thinking of creative angles for them, and when I unleash it to the world it feels like I've accomplished something. Getting everyone their newspaper everyday doesn't ever feel like much of an accomplishment, and it certainly isn't something I've ever been proud of.