Mental Cobwebs

Dear You-Know-Who,

Our situation has not yet come to a conclusion. Things need to be said, and so I'm going to say them here. I am not sending this to you directly because it is not about you, it is about me. I'm tired of thinking about it and I want to be done with it, so I will say what I need to say now. If you truly care at all about what happened, you will find this, though I can't guarantee that it will matter anymore.

Let's get this out of the way. My entire childhood I looked up to you, I wanted to be just like you. In fact before all of the events of the last year or two took place I still looked up to you, though maybe not in a wanting to be like you way. We went in our own directions and that was fine, but you were still like a brother to me.

At first it was great having you around, a constant companion. We always had the same sense of humor, a lot of the same taste in music and video games, so it was like having a best friend always there. I miss that, but you took advantage of it.

I am not sorry for anything that happened. If I had that night to do over again, I would do the exact same things. Know this one thing, I will never apologize for anything I've done. But if you think an apology will make anything that you did right, then you are mistaken.

I gave you access to everything I have. I let you be around those who I would protect with my life, and you endangered them. I gave my word to the people who've given me everything I have, that you were trustworthy. You lied to them, and you stole from them. If anything hurt the worst, it was that you seemed to be unaware of what I knew. I'm not an idiot.

All I ever asked for was honesty. I knew the whole situation would be hard, but if you had been honest about it all we could have worked through it. You wouldn't have slipped into old habits if you had just talked to me openly, and nobody that truly wanted to change would have kept their past with them. For all the times we talked about not burning bridges, you sure burned a lot of them.

The best part of this whole situation is that Emmy won't remember you, and I don't ever want her too. If she goes her whole life without knowing you then it will be for the best, because she wouldn't know the person that I knew. Maybe one day that person will return, but I'm not holding my breath.

Let me be clear, this is not the opening to a dialogue. This is what I need to get off of my chest so that I will stop thinking about what I would say if I ever saw you again. This is me ridding myself of the situation. That's it, it's over now. I've said what I've needed to say, and if you care then you'll find this. The ball is in your court, but I'm done with the game and am moving on with my life. There are only two words with which you can start a further conversation with me, but getting me to trust you, believe you, talk to you, or even want to see you again will be a much greater task.