The Proverbial Stick Up Your Ass

Posted on Thursday, August 13, 2009 by Alex R. Cronk-Young


What has become of our beloved society? It used to be that people treated each other with kindness and respect. Nowadays it seems everyone has a stick up their ass and is looking to cuss out the first person they see in order to make themselves feel better.

I started a new paper route this Monday. When starting a route, the first day or two usually go pretty badly but then things get progressively better. On my first day I had a friend come with me to help and he was a lifesaver. On the second day however, I was on my own. But things went pretty well except for half of the route that I still hadn't gotten a list typed up for. So I was left to flip pages on an alphabetical list and try to number things as I went along.

I thought I nailed it, I had no extra papers left. When I started to type up that second part of the route though, I realized I had forgotten a street with 2 houses on it. It was already somewhere around 7 at night and like I said, I had no extras so I just added them to the list and took what would inevitably be a complaint. Little did I know it was far more a complaint.

You see, this man was one of those previously mentioned people with sticks shoved so far up their asses that they can taste them. When I pulled up the next day he was getting out of his car, so I drove up to hand him the paper directly.

He immediately launched into a stream of vulgarities that ended with something about the paper always being left in the rain. I kindly told him that I had just started on Monday and since it hadn't rained that it couldn't have been me that ever did that. Then he demanded to know where his paper had been the day before. I apologized nicely despite having already been swore at excessively and told him I was still learning the route. This still wasn't good enough for him and he kept demanding to know where it had been the day before, as if I hadn't already explained and apologized for it. At this point I was fed up and yelled back "Do you have any idea how hard it is to learn over 200 addresses in a day?!"

This left him with an angry grimace and he just walked away. I told my manager about it and he said that it should be fine because the guy probably feels like an ass now, but the whole situation leaves me wondering. When did the entire world become raging pieces of shit? What has made your life so terrible that you feel you need to take it out on the first person you see? Doing that just simply spreads the anger around more and eventually everyone is yelling at everyone else.

So anyone who is reading this, please do me a favor. Go and be really nice to someone today. Tip your mail or paper carrier and tell them what a great job they've been doing. Thank the kid at McDonalds who takes your order and tell them to have a wonderful day. And if you aren't willing to do any of these things, then just stay confined in your house and yell at the TV. It'll do the world good.

3 Response to "The Proverbial Stick Up Your Ass"

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Mr. Frost Says....

Hey numb nuts, ever since you started the new route, I haven't been getting any papers in my box. Get your thumb out of your ass and get me a paper!

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Alex R. Cronk-Young Says....

I thought about telling the new carrier to leave you a paper if she has any extra but now I'm glad I didn't cockbag!

I guess you'll just have to walk over to Grummets and steal theirs.

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