Mental Cobwebs

My favorite part of the SuperBowl is gorging on a bunch of food that I really shouldn't be stuffing down my throat when I'm already so pudgy. Either way, a plate full of buffalo wings, mini tacos covered in Frank's Red Hot, mozzarella sticks, pizza rolls, and chips sits before me, and I feast.

This year, something made me feel a little bit shittier than normal about the whole thing, even before I was on the toilet that night. Venturing to the store to get more food supplies, I figured I'd stop at McDonalds and get one of those 50 packs of chicken nuggets for the ridiculously low price of $10, because, why the hell not.

I was handed a box with 50 chicken nuggets, and a bag with six packets of sauce. Six. There is no way that is enough sauce. You get, maybe five nuggets out of a sauce packet. How many people are eating those 50 nuggets. Hopefully at least three people, meaning each gets two packets of sauce and there are 20 nuggets left over without any sauce. Eating a chicken mcnugget without any sauce is like chewing on styrofoam.

But let's really get into the nitty-gritty here. 50 chicken nuggets for $10 means each nugget costs 20 cents. Ignore the fact that you're eating a piece of "meat" that only cost you 20 cents for a moment. After they give you six packets of sauce, McDonalds charges for any more sauce you might want. How much do they charge for each subsequent sauce packet? 20 cents.

Yes, we've arrived, America. The food we are eating is now worth as much as the condiments we dip it in. Feel the pride, we've earned it. It took a lot of work to make our food products so cheaply. I'd like to congratulate the giant labs filled with people in white lab coats that made this all possible. You guys are what makes America great.