Things Emmy Says, Part 3

I like catalogging the weird, crazy, and funny things that Emmy says. I can't even remember things that she said the next day, so having a place to write them all down is nice. Hopefully they aren't groan inducing to everyone else, but I never said my One A Day blogs were for anyone else. There are a bunch at the bottom that my wife had been...

One of Those Days (or Nights, Rather)

R.I.P. my faithful headphones. You provided me with hundreds of hours of joy. You know those days when everything goes wrong? They are the reason the phrase, "When it rains, it pours" exists. I woke up last night at 11pm, tired from getting just under four hours of sleep, but ready to start a night of paper delivery. As I got on the laptop...

No Inspiration

This one blog a day thing is getting kind of hard to do. I'm running out of ideas to write about and my life is like a never-ending circle that never deviates, so nothing new really ever happens. My goal was to write something specifically for my personal blog -- whether it be about my life or just something that happened to me -- every...

Adventures While Sleeping

Last night Emmy kept kicking the blanket we were sharing off, which meant she was kicking it off from me as well. The first several times she did it I yanked it back up in my sleep. Apparently at some point I yelled about it. With each subsequent blanket removal I woke up a little bit more. By the point that Zoe started yelling at me I was...

The Parent's Great Sacrifice

Sometimes kids like really annoying things. As a parent, you are forced to put up with it. I've written before about how I kind of enjoy Thomas the Tank Engine, so Emmy's obsession with it wasn't too big of a deal. Now, however, she has discovered Dora the Explorer. I kind of want to gouge my eyes out and stabs pencils into my ears when...

Religion and Death: Tackling the Tough Issues with a Kid

A while ago that Parenthood show had an episode that tackled a parents trying to explain death to their daughter. Honestly, I've never really been sure why this is a hard thing for a lot of parents. Early last year one of our horses gave birth in the middle of the winter. Despite our best efforts the baby didn't survive. We took Emmy to...

The Internet Thinks it is Better than You

Recent hubbub surrounding IGN's Greg Miller and his poorly written review of Dead Space 2 has got me thinking. Admittedly I laughed and thought "I can write so much better than this" when I first read his review. That's something I normally avoid doing, because it bothers me how quickly aspiring writers are bashed and put off from trying...

Emmy Pics and Captions

I have a lot of pictures and videos of Emmy. Like, more than 365. So I figured I'd cheat a little and just share those today. Just after she was born. She's only a day old in this video. I'm reminded of that one scene from A Christmas Story. "A citizen in distress! I'm off!" "My toupee looks like what?" "Why of course I'll give you...

Sunday Free Writing: Sub-Zero and Long Games

I never have anything good to write about on Sundays, and even when I do it gets lost in the deadzone that is weekends on the Internet, so I'm going to do free writing most Sundays from now on. It's nice and easy because then I have an excuse to jump between topics seemingly at random. Plus, I never edit these one a day posts anyway. Last...

Gaming with a Family

There was a time when I could play video games for several hours a day if I wanted to, no problem. Long RPGs and action games like Okami that took 40 or 50 or even 60 hours to beat were no problem because I could make sizable dents in them on a regular basis. Nowadays? Not so much. I guess it takes all parents some time to adjust to their...

Things Emmy Says, Part 2

It was my mother's birthday today and we just got home, so here's some more silly things Emmy has said that I've been saving up for a little while. I need to get to bed so I can wake up and do papers. *When entering our room for bed* Emmy: "It's dark in here! I want the light off." Me: "Alright." Emmy: "Now let's watch Thomas." Me: "Oh,...

Podcasting Professional

Yesterday I officially released the first episode of my own real podcast. Yeah, I know, everyone has one of those, but it still feels kind of cool. Think of it like a personal goal of mine. A small goal. It wasn't a life goal or anything, just something I thought might be cool. You know? Back when I started papers I had to find something...

One of the Uninsured Millions

Last year on my 25th birthday Blue Cross Blue Shield gave me exactly what I was hoping for; they jacked up the price of our health insurance. This big increase in a monthly bill was too much, so we canceled our plan entirely so that we wouldn't be overwhelmed with the incoming Christmas season. For several months the three of us joined the...

People Don't Understand Hyphens

It sometimes amazes me how dense people can be. My wife's name is Zoe, which is pronounced exactly how it looks. Still, pretty much everybody with that name pronounces it as Zoey, so I can understand how everyone does the same for my wife when reading her name in written form. Yet, even when one of us says her name out loud to someone,...

Waiting for the Rock Bottom

Listening to the first six or so episodes of the Jay and Silent Bob Get Old podcast was kind of hard for me. After my cousin got out of a rehab clinic for heroin addiction I became his impromptu parent. Basically, I was Kevin Smith and he was Jason Mewes, because our relationship was almost the exact same as theirs. I was his babysitter,...

Working Through a Pet Peeve

I guess it's become one of my pet peeves to get a little annoyed when I see tweets about people being annoyed by kids in public areas. One of my good Twitter buddies sent out a couple tweets like that the other day and I gave him some shit for it. As it turns out, that shit was completely undeserved. We talked about it at length later and...

Weekend Freewriting: Reddit Time Killing

Pete Davison commands, I obey. Let's try out this "freewriting" he speaks of. Ready? GO! So I've been staring at a blank page for quite awhile and not really sure what to write about. I have several ideas written down, but I don't think I can do them justice on the weekend when I'm tired. Plus I'm out of the writing mood right now. I've...

The Degradation of Society Through the Lens of Children's Programming

Think outside the box. Earlier a Twitter friend linked a video of a woman talking about the fact that in Australia they've decided to slap a "For Adult Viewing Only" sticker on a DVD release of some early Sesame Street episodes. Why? Because the children play freely outside in their city streets and greet older-men neighbors with a friendly...

Texting > Calling

Let's try one of those Plinky suggestions for today's One A Day post. Do I prefer text messaging or actually calling people? That's easy. Always texting. No, I'm not a 14 year-old girl, but I really can't stand talking to people on the phone. Every second that goes by feels like torture. Here is a typical phone conversation with my mother: Mom:...

Emmy on Games

When you're a parent, it's hard to get in a free moment for some gaming. Even when you manage to sneak upstairs and escape butt-wiping duty with the glow of a shiny video game, your kid is likely to open the door five minutes later and ask what you're playing. Actually, I kind of love moments like that. Sure, if I'm playing a Mature title...

Evolving Friendships

I had a lot of acquaintances in high school, and I would call them friends, but I don't have a lot of "friendships." What I mean is, a friend that will stay in my life throughout the changes that come. In high school you make a lot of friends. I wasn't a "popular" kid, but I'd say I had at least 20 or 30 people I interacted with...

Let Me Make This Abundantly Clear

I made a commitment to the One A Day Project because I wanted to put my personal thoughts, feelings, and experiences down on some form of paper so that I could look back on them in the future, and my kid and future kids could if they wanted to at some point. I thought it might be cool to have a document of a year of my life, plus it was...

Zombie Sundays

My sleep schedule is eternally screwy because of my job. On Mondays through Fridays The Grand Rapids Press is an afternoon paper, meaning I don't have to deliver until around Noon. Not bad at all, but once it comes to the weekend things get messy. On Saturdays I have to wake up at about 3:30 AM, and on Sundays I start at midnight. There...

All About Pee

We potty trained Emerson a month after she turned two years old. My wife had a sure-fire plan to make the entire process as painless as possible. We bought at least 30 pairs of underwear at once, lost the diapers, and stuck her on the toilet at the slightest sign of an accident. That first day she peed in 13 pairs of underwear, but with...

Things Emmy Says

Kids say the darndest things, right? Bill Cosby wasn't wrong about that. Who knows where they pulled them from, or if they just made them up by themselves. Either way, if you're also a parent you probably find their crazy sayings charming and adorable. If you're not a parent they're probably so charming and adorable that it makes...

Reverting to a Childlike State

Even before I had a child, I planned ahead; purchasing several old cartoons that I liked as a kid on DVD so that my future children could enjoy what I had enjoyed. I didn't want my kids to be stuck watching all the crap on TV nowadays; all those copy and paste kids shows. I should probably explain that last part. You know those kids stories...

Why? Because. Why? Because.

"What said hee-haw?" "Huh? Donkeys say that. Where'd you hear a donkey?" "On the TV. Why do they say hee-haw?" "Just because that's the noise they make." "Whyyyyyyy?" "That's just the noise that they make. Like pigs say oink oink." "Why?" "They just do." "Why?" "Because." "Whyyyyy?" You know, sometimes those jokes you hear all...

Lane Cutters Can Eat Shit and Die

There is a bridge that I have to cross daily while working. It is the only bridge into and out of town, barring the one completely out of your way to the south, and the one completely out of your way to the north. It was in rough shape, so it is being completely replaced, which means each direction has been cut down to one lane and the two-lane...

Proper New Year's Resolutions

I've never been one to make New Year's resolutions, probably because they were always doomed to fail. One Kevin Smith discussed the notion of people having a "present bias" -- their future selves are perfect beings with which they can place all of their dreams and aspirations, confident in the fact that they will achieve them, just...later....

Time to Rest

The first day of the New Year, I awoke at 5am to go to work, only to find a larg amount of pain every time I bent my right knee. Unsure of how I'd injured myself while asleep, I limped off to deliver papers. Do you know how difficult it is to get in and out of a car without bending a knee? The answer is: impossible. When I got home at 8...

New Year Resolution: Shift Life Focus

You know how they expect you to know what you want to do with the rest of your life before you're even out of high school? Almost seven years after graduation I still don't have a clue -- writing was just my best guess. I went about life the completely wrong way based on what society expects. I was stumbling through community college with...